I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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