So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
