I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
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That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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