I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
