Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
