he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
