She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
