got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
