I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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