She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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