So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
