Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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