I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
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I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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