Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
bring money and cleavage
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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