A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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