You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
