and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
