Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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