So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Still dying that you shit outside
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
