He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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