guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
