what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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