I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
