My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
