The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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