Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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