she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You were trust falling into bushes
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