did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
