You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
