he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
