do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
