lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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