I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
