one two three fourrrrnication!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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