he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
