Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
