Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
