life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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