It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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