It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we're so committed to being not committed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
