JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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