I just pynch a tree in the face
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
