my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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