She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
