Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
