you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
