I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
