So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
