Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
