dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
