I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I AM VODKA MAN
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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