They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you didnt know i had herpes?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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