Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
