She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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