i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
