just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
