I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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