Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
