I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
