just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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