1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
