the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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