NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
