the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
