she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Randomize
