I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
