People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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