Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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