there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
