I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
