how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
