mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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