Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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